“Should” “Have to” “Try To” are all common phrases I catch myself saying. All of us do. We “want to”… “try to” be or do or accomplish something.
Hidden in each of those phrases is the undercurrent of an alternative set of emotions: Shame, guilt, and self-doubt.
When we find ourselves feeling uncertainty, we’re grappling with opposing ideas.
Often times what we’re truly trying to discern is what is OUR want vs. what is the want of the world.
And so uncertainty is a signal: one that can mean a lack of belief in our own desires and wants, or the shame we feel about them.
Any time you feel uncertainty, recognize it’s often not that you’re unclear about what’s available (uncertain) but rather that you’re unclear which should take a higher priority; your own wants, or the wants/desires of something external?
The best path forward is to not solve your problem within the field of uncertainty.
It’s better to step back and allow things to settle so that the tangled mess of ideas and threads relaxes, and you can view yourself and your objectives separate from it.
This allows you to check in on what you want, without the logic trying to persuade you.
This is typically the opposite of what people do.
When people come seeking advice, the typical action is to involve themselves more within the tangle of ideas. We try and push further on the field of logic to solve our situations as if there was a missing puzzle piece of information that if they found, would crack things perfectly into place.
Certainty, the opposite of uncertainty, is more of a somatic experience.
Yes, it can come with the foundation of exploration, knowledge, and thinking, but the experience of being certain is moving forward simply, without a cloud of competing ideas holding you up. It’s a feeling.
Certainty feels… like the decision is as it should be.
It’s non-questioning, curious, and forward-looking. It’s stepping ahead without the weights of fear, shame, and doubt.
You cannot solve uncertainty with a slightly better version of uncertainty.
Instead, you phase shift entirely, from uncertainty to certainty.
Doesn’t it seem to be the case that it’s when you drop trying to solve something, that the way forward arises?
Finding space from the uncertainty, along with identifying your feelings, are the tactics of arriving at a place of certainty.
If you're skeptical about the non-logical path forward, remember that your emotions are clues being sent to you, which is subtly affecting the logic itself. So rationalization via logic alone is already colored with your deeper desires.
And, when we misunderstand our emotional signals perpetually, in lieu of logic, we feel conflict but cannot understand why.
When Uncertain, Create Space for Desire
So, rather than working with the uncertainty, take a moment to step back from it.
Give yourself the space to let the tangle of uncertainty unwind and remind yourself of what your wants, desires, and interests are without the influencing shadow of shame, doubt, fear, and guilt.
Remind yourself of your best and higher self, without the grip of logical details causing fearful action.
Remind yourself of what your wants and needs are independent of the external pressures. Not out of selfishness, but out of wanting to move forward in a path that is free from further entangling yourself.
Trade the uncertainty for desire, old or new. So you can begin to catch yourself saying... “I want to,” “I choose to” or “It would be fun to...”
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