Three Types of Emotional Wellbeing
1. Personal History – You learn from yourself and from your experiences.
You start to realize that difficult times come and go, and so do the successes. That things don’t last, and that’s all part of the experience.
When you learn from your own experiences, you get a sturdy understanding of who you are…not by some other source like a book… but from first-hand knowledge.
Sure, you can perceive things incorrectly, and much of where we get stuck comes from false perceptions about the events in our lives.
But understanding your story, and your history helps shape the broader narrative of where you are, where you’ve been, and where you want to go.
The lessons you pick up at each transition can be used later, and so your wisdom stacks…
2. Intrinsic Desire and Feeling – You become aware and feel who you are outside of the labels.
This one is more difficult, even though it’s literally right there in front of us all.
We gain stability when we see ourselves for who we are separate from the labels and successes and failures. That part of us that is at peace, that doesn’t expect ourselves to be ____, that doesn’t identify with objects but is happy just being alive.
When you find this part of you, you can learn what you really desire.
It’s ok to want things, it’s ok to want to success, but to need them is to be beholden. And the world will give you a rough go as you grasp and double down… and the successes will be only as full as you feel on your own without them.
This part of you is there, all of the time underneath the chatter. It’s surprising how available it is when you take a moment.
If you can learn to develop a rhythm and practice of finding and living in this space your stress will reduce and your actions will be more clear.
3. Giving what you desire away freely – Instead of striving to get something, you give it away freely.
When we grasp at something, it eludes us. Or if we catch it the goalposts move and we want more, greater, higher…
In essence, we repel what we want further, like a magnet. Instead what we miss is that what we’re hoping for exists in abundance already.
So instead of grasping for peace… give peace. Instead of trying to stranglehold love, give love. Give respect. Give time.
Sure, you can’t give away literal millions of dollars, but you can give what people will use those dollars on… Delight, experience, connection.
The easiest way to get things is to give them away and then realize that you won’t ever run out.
In my work with founders and creators, we often modulate between surface needs and deeper truths that we avoid about why it is that we act how we act. In some ways, I feel like a business therapist.
Ultimately the goal is for people to align better with their desires in a way that isn’t destructive to themselves or others.
What universities teach is the practical and detailed information about fields of study. But more than ever I find that conversations about all of the other sides to life; emotions, desires, navigating transitions, learning who we are…
These are all new, and unexplored. And it makes sense, only in abundance do we have the liberty and privilege to explore this side of who we are.
Today the side effects of this lack of education are incredibly apparent. Depression, suicide, anxiety… They all steadily grow as we double down on the only thing we’ve been taught.
Connection with others might just need to start with a connection with yourself.
So, learn your story. Notice more about who it is that is there. And then allow your desires to flow by sharing with others that which you wish to see more of for yourself.
It’s not easy, and like anything it takes practice. But I feel we’re working towards this now, and if you are exploring… you’re not alone.
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